July 31: last Sunday evening I met with a lovely girlfriend - let's call her 'Joy' - to provide feedback on her profile for Match.com. In so doing, we became 'Wingman / Wingwoman' for the online dating scene - she helps me critique my writing, telling me when things seem off-putting, or out-of-place on an 'online dating blog', and I provide the same service in return. Example, "You love running - you should add that under "likes". Response: "I run because I have to, but I don't like it." Of course it's not entirely true - running in the rain is SO cool... you get hot and sweaty, but the rain washes it all away. And the rain affects all runners the same - rich or poor - all get soaked the same.
And I found out more about Joy's dating requirements: the one's I know about that match mine are: no smoking, no addictions, no diseases, social drinking ok, health minded, but not 'zealously religious' about it, and I'm right in her age range, and she's in mine.
Yesterday, Joy called, and suggested we meet at Greenlake for an evening swim. How cool is THAT!? We met at a rendevous point near the beach, set our towels out, and jumped in. After a 90+ degree Seattle day, "go jump in a lake" was EXACTLY what I wanted to hear. ;?> Simple, yet refreshing. After a while, we chatted about how the on-line dating prospects are doing, I suggested Plentyoffish, and OKcupid. She suggested I try millionairesingles. I said I'm no longer elligible for that one, but she said I qualify because of my *attitude* toward money - I tell anyone who asks (in my best Thurston Howell III voice), "Oh, I'm between fortunes, at the moment". With the stock market behaving this way, it won't be long now...
But the more I get to know Joy, the more I *want* to know... hmmm... seems a good thing. No, I haven't Googled her, nor am I likely to do so. Just as I would rather "meet" in person, I would rather find out the insignificant / significant details 'in person'. I seriously doubt there are any issues I would find on Google that I wouldn't rather find out about in person. Plus, that way I'm not quietly criticizing for the things that haven't been said, "When is she going to bring up the second-grade spelling-bee championship trophy photo on Google Images?"
Oh, I also found she DEFINITELY passes 'the bikini test' - not only able, and willing to wear one, but she looks GREAT in one.
Sunday, it's kayaking in Kenmore - sounds fun! Until then, I'm packing the house (again)... hmmm... I wonder if she'd be willing to help pack boxes?
And she WAS! We spent 3 hours packing up stuff in the kitchen, and she wiped down all the cabinets so that my 'new' kitchen as of last August looks clean and NEW again. Many thanks!
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
July 23
More about Saturday's wedding...
A great time was had by ALL at Bobby and Michelle's wedding (can I mention first names?). "The Club" was gorgeous with the sun setting over downtown, and the glow from Vulcan (not the Paul Allen company) towering above the nearby trees. Bobby showed a great deal of class in his selection of a best man, for even though he has an unlimited number of friends from high-school wrestling, and college fraternity activities... he chose his father as best man. Someone who truly has "been there for him" at every turn. I was sincerely impressed by this selection, and I applaud Bobby for choosing my brother to stand with him at the alter. My advice to him was: Don't Forget Your DREAMS, and don't forget the dreams of your wife. Incorporate those dreams into your life together, and work bit by bit to achieve those dreams TOGETHER. And I said, "Congratulations" to the groom, and "Best Wishes" to the bride - they were very happy, and are newly on the road to a long and happy marriage (the bride's parents have been married for 30+ years, and the groom's parents have been married for 30 years exactly).
Yesterday's phone call...
I got a phone call from someone at St. Mark's Cathedral in Seattle asking about the "Singles Connection / Resource Roundtable" group at Emmanuel Episcopal church. Yes, I'm one of the organizers. I talked about the five areas of opportunity (i.e. 'needs') for single people: Friendship, Social Activities, Education, Leadership opportunities, and Service opportunities. Add this to the 'safe place to BE SINGLE', 'Romance Free Zone', 'Sabbatical from Relationships', and you start to get to a real community of single people where you can network with other people, make new friends, learn about what's going on in the area for singles, and "get out there" to have a good time. St. Marks is planning a wine-tasting party... my first question was: "is this group inward looking for the St. Mark's singles, or outward looking, trying to 'build community' among the singles (48% of the adult population) in Seattle?" Organized churches tend to look for 'young couples and families', and don't realize that by doing so they are under serving a large population right under their noses. The answer I got on 'inward vs. outward' was essentially they're in a forming stage, and are therefore looking inward at the moment, but want to incorporate the best ideas, and consider looking outward, and building community in the future. MY thinking is that the only way they're going to build new communities of people (or new 'congregations') is to look outward, and serve the larger community, but to do so without trying to force evangelism down people's throats. I suspect that people attending their 9:30pm Sunday night Compline service are a good demographic from which they could recruit. I asked the caller if they had ever *attended* the 9:30pm service, and the answer was "no". I advised the person to go to that service THIS WEEK and to wear their virtual 'singles group organizer' hat - visualize the service through the eyes of a single adult (>90% of their late-night audience) and to realize that most of these people are "Looking For More" in their lives - looking for 'something more' spiritually, socially, and wanting to have a positive impact on the world.
The call ended with me giving my personal email address, and offering to attend any organizations meeting they might have. It sounds like St. Mark's - a rather large, well funded, institution is ready to dip their toe into the world of singles community building! I had warm thoughts about the 'possibilities' all evening...
A great time was had by ALL at Bobby and Michelle's wedding (can I mention first names?). "The Club" was gorgeous with the sun setting over downtown, and the glow from Vulcan (not the Paul Allen company) towering above the nearby trees. Bobby showed a great deal of class in his selection of a best man, for even though he has an unlimited number of friends from high-school wrestling, and college fraternity activities... he chose his father as best man. Someone who truly has "been there for him" at every turn. I was sincerely impressed by this selection, and I applaud Bobby for choosing my brother to stand with him at the alter. My advice to him was: Don't Forget Your DREAMS, and don't forget the dreams of your wife. Incorporate those dreams into your life together, and work bit by bit to achieve those dreams TOGETHER. And I said, "Congratulations" to the groom, and "Best Wishes" to the bride - they were very happy, and are newly on the road to a long and happy marriage (the bride's parents have been married for 30+ years, and the groom's parents have been married for 30 years exactly).
Yesterday's phone call...
I got a phone call from someone at St. Mark's Cathedral in Seattle asking about the "Singles Connection / Resource Roundtable" group at Emmanuel Episcopal church. Yes, I'm one of the organizers. I talked about the five areas of opportunity (i.e. 'needs') for single people: Friendship, Social Activities, Education, Leadership opportunities, and Service opportunities. Add this to the 'safe place to BE SINGLE', 'Romance Free Zone', 'Sabbatical from Relationships', and you start to get to a real community of single people where you can network with other people, make new friends, learn about what's going on in the area for singles, and "get out there" to have a good time. St. Marks is planning a wine-tasting party... my first question was: "is this group inward looking for the St. Mark's singles, or outward looking, trying to 'build community' among the singles (48% of the adult population) in Seattle?" Organized churches tend to look for 'young couples and families', and don't realize that by doing so they are under serving a large population right under their noses. The answer I got on 'inward vs. outward' was essentially they're in a forming stage, and are therefore looking inward at the moment, but want to incorporate the best ideas, and consider looking outward, and building community in the future. MY thinking is that the only way they're going to build new communities of people (or new 'congregations') is to look outward, and serve the larger community, but to do so without trying to force evangelism down people's throats. I suspect that people attending their 9:30pm Sunday night Compline service are a good demographic from which they could recruit. I asked the caller if they had ever *attended* the 9:30pm service, and the answer was "no". I advised the person to go to that service THIS WEEK and to wear their virtual 'singles group organizer' hat - visualize the service through the eyes of a single adult (>90% of their late-night audience) and to realize that most of these people are "Looking For More" in their lives - looking for 'something more' spiritually, socially, and wanting to have a positive impact on the world.
The call ended with me giving my personal email address, and offering to attend any organizations meeting they might have. It sounds like St. Mark's - a rather large, well funded, institution is ready to dip their toe into the world of singles community building! I had warm thoughts about the 'possibilities' all evening...
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
July 21
Well, girlfriend-to-be, it's been nearly a month since you've caught up - and a busy month at that. In that time, I sponsored a Meetup.com event - First Thursday Free Seattle museums (I saw the Jim Henson exhibit at the EMP/SciFi Museum). But that was ALSO the night my allergies (grass, trees, dust mites, cat hair, etc. - normally controlled by Claritin) decided to 'overflow', and give me cold-like symptoms. I was down the following 4 days with a summer cold - one uncatchable by ordinary mortals.
I didn't hold the July "Singles Connection / Resource Roundtable" because I'm re-vamping the format. I've been working from an old model of how to build a community of like-minded singles, and provide them with a 'romance free zone' where we can relax, mingle, network, and make new friends - and if 'romance' happens outside the groups once-monthly meetings... who am *I* to complain? ;?>. Now I'm firmly in the 'sabbatical from relationships' camp - single people want to join other supportive, like-minded people, and form urban communities (i.e. tribes) based on mutual interests: hiking, cycling, movie watching, reading, writing, 'rithmatic... the usual. They also want to take time to improve themselves for-their-own-benefit. EXACTLY the things people do when they leave their jobs for a couple of months to go on sabbatical.
Why not go on a 'relationship' sabbatical? That's what I've been doing for the past two years, and I'm really enjoying the new experiences, and new friends made along the way.
I've also been thinking about my concerns about 'online dating', and how I think it bypasses the normal models people have been using for centuries to "get-to-know other people". Online dating provides too many opportunities for people to create false identities, pretend to be something they're not. Most common on-line dating lies: (1) Age, (2) marital status [lots of married guys pretend to be single - look for profiles with no photo, or who ask for your phone, but won't give theirs in return], (3) availability [truly ready to date, OR... not yet at 'baggage claim'], (4) fantasy likes/dislikes - no one ever says, 'I work all day, and watch tv for 4 hours before bed each night', instead it's 'like to tango (loaded?), gormet cooking (takeout?), and philanthropy for starving children' (his/her own?). All in all: I'll stick with OFF-line dating.
My middle-son and I flew to my nephew's wedding in Birmingham this past weekend [and are my arms TIRED...], and had a great time. But it pointed out some weaknesses in the whole wedding reception model. There were many, many obvious 20-something singles, but no way to easily tell whether the over-30's were single or married. So I danced with my 2 nieces, my sister in law, and my 82 year old mother. The next wedding reception I D.J., I'm going to provide availability lapel pins: Blue for "Available", Red for "in-a-relationship".
So I've been planning a new social networking website (in my spare time). More on that in a later post...
I didn't hold the July "Singles Connection / Resource Roundtable" because I'm re-vamping the format. I've been working from an old model of how to build a community of like-minded singles, and provide them with a 'romance free zone' where we can relax, mingle, network, and make new friends - and if 'romance' happens outside the groups once-monthly meetings... who am *I* to complain? ;?>. Now I'm firmly in the 'sabbatical from relationships' camp - single people want to join other supportive, like-minded people, and form urban communities (i.e. tribes) based on mutual interests: hiking, cycling, movie watching, reading, writing, 'rithmatic... the usual. They also want to take time to improve themselves for-their-own-benefit. EXACTLY the things people do when they leave their jobs for a couple of months to go on sabbatical.
Why not go on a 'relationship' sabbatical? That's what I've been doing for the past two years, and I'm really enjoying the new experiences, and new friends made along the way.
I've also been thinking about my concerns about 'online dating', and how I think it bypasses the normal models people have been using for centuries to "get-to-know other people". Online dating provides too many opportunities for people to create false identities, pretend to be something they're not. Most common on-line dating lies: (1) Age, (2) marital status [lots of married guys pretend to be single - look for profiles with no photo, or who ask for your phone, but won't give theirs in return], (3) availability [truly ready to date, OR... not yet at 'baggage claim'], (4) fantasy likes/dislikes - no one ever says, 'I work all day, and watch tv for 4 hours before bed each night', instead it's 'like to tango (loaded?), gormet cooking (takeout?), and philanthropy for starving children' (his/her own?). All in all: I'll stick with OFF-line dating.
My middle-son and I flew to my nephew's wedding in Birmingham this past weekend [and are my arms TIRED...
So I've been planning a new social networking website (in my spare time). More on that in a later post...
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