I thought a lot about yesterday's post, and I'd rather NOT dwell on that topic. If women want to like, or dislike men... C'est la vie. It has nothing to do with me personally. I'm not the reason why anyone - even my ex-wife - should dislike men. I don't want to dwell in the dark nether-regions of relationships. Instead, I'd rather get out there and enjoy life.
It was quite a journey over the past year - blogging for the first time, and seriously trying online dating, then giving up on on-line dating, and dating as a mid-life bachelor in general. I'm no longer worried about it - I'm Happy with Myself, and *I* can put up with myself - but to expect to find someone else who could put up with me (besides my sons - because they're polite boys - and my dog - she's the 'alpha bitch' in my house) seems a pointless search. Sometimes even *I* can't put up with me. But I do catch myself, and make serious attempts to stop those behaviors I don't like in myself.
I refined what I would be looking for in a woman / partner / friend... *IF* I were still looking... and realized the likelihood of an finding an unmarried straight woman who's in good physical shape, like's men, and isn't embittered by the challenges of life as a mid-life-singleton in this, the second decade of the 21st Century... is nil. And I accept it. The Death of Singledom is real, and I've gone through all the Kübler-Ross stages of grief - Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.
Some apologies: Chris, I'm sorry I couldn't listen to your advise to grit and bear my broken marriage - I could no longer live as the focus of such irrational anger. I don't blame you for having more sympathy for my ex than for me: I was never open with anyone regarding what I was going through. And you were right: I got little more than my clothes, and big debts in exchange for my so-called 'freedom'. Joy, I'm sorry I could not continue to be your 'wingman'. I'm not sorry that I'm not the guy you're looking for, but I am hopeful you're able to more explicitly describe what that elusive male would look like, and that he exists. Best of luck.
Goodbye childish romantic delusions. Goodbye sex. Goodbye frustration at dealing with people who haven't been able to deal with their anger and frustrations at an imperfect world. Goodbye "M.Average" - not Mr. 'Always Right', and Not Mr. 'Always Wrong', more 'Mr Right just the Right Amount of the time' - no one wants a descent former Eagle Scout, over trusting guy. Women want scoundrels, and villains, and you're neither Mr. Not-Always-Wrong-Nor-Always-Right.
Hello Sunshine, and hello spring. Hello to Music. Hello to writing that's far less indulgent than blogging. Hello to finishing script projects. Hello to a renewed emphasis on film making. Hello to staying toned, fit, and trim by exercising - cycling more on the Christmas 'raffle prize bike', hello(?) to the Century Ballroom for lessons? hmmmm... Hello renewed energy, and sense of humor at the strangeness of this strange experience we call life.
Mostly, hearty greetings, and hello to that elusive woman who I hoped to have met by now. I'm sorry that the timing was all wrong. So to you, my young woman friend of whatever age, I say Hello.... and Goodbye.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Why do SO MANY women ... Hate Men?
Misandry - a word used so infrequently, that spell checkers highlight it as a misspelling, yet "misogyny" - the opposite of misandry - shows up just fine. Yet my personal experience over the past several months show there has been a shift in the relationships of men and women... and I assert there is far more misandry in the world than misogyny.
I can understand that many women have been in abusive relationships with men - physically or mentally abusive. I've experienced the rejection many women at middle-age receive from men - is this the result of misplaced self loathing caused by unrealistic expectations of physical fitness, and body types based on 'popular culture' and the media?
Are men to blame for this? (I can hear women saying, "Damned right!") But blaming men as a race for the strange biases portrayed in the media is like saying "all dogs are bad because a Pitt bull in South Seattle killed an elderly woman in 2009". Not everyone can look like that young girl on the cover of 'Shape' magazine - and not all men WANT someone who looks like that young girl on the cover of 'Shape' - the 'girl', and the desire for that girl (in my mind) both shout of immaturity.
The Catholic Church (big "C" there, as in 'Roman Catholic') and more recent organizations like The Mars Hill "Church" hold to a theological view of "Complementarianism" - holding that "God has created men and women equal in their essential dignity and human personhood, but different and complementary in function with male headship in the home and in the Church." Perhaps it's this viewpoint that's the root cause of all the problems between the sexes... with women always in a secondary role as supporters to the patriarchal - male - leaders. I'm no expert in this area, but I strongly suspect this is the case. And I (for one) don't want to be in a relationship with someone who will always play second banana to me. Oh, I will probably fall back into the 'making the universe over with her at the center' trap I tend to fall into, but old habits die hard, I'm sorry to say...
The Other catholic (i.e. worldwide) Church in America (The Episcopal Church) holds the theological view of "Egalitarianism". Put briefly, egalitarianism holds that "all people are equal before God and in Christ. All have equal responsibility to use their gifts and obey their calling to the glory of God. God freely calls believers to roles and ministries without regard to class, gender, or race." Women are not second banana here - women take on as much of, and as strong a role as they want to take on. This is what I Believe.
Yet there is a growing men's movement that compares a marriage to riding in a car - pointing out there's only one steering wheel - or to a television set, 'there is only one remote control'. In my own experience, I've shared the driving responsibilities, and don't clutch the remote like a caveman, but change the channel, and leave 'the clicker' on the coffee table. It's true... I have been 'the primary bread winner', but I'm not against having an income that's less than a partners - that wouldn't somehow emasculate me to be in a relationship where the woman brought in a bigger salary than me. More disposable income! (woot!) Au contraire - that would be a blessing.
So, yes... I at least admit the inkling of a possibility that from my limited perspective as a mid-life bachelor that without a Magic 8-Ball, appearances point to more misandry than misogyny in the world. But I *will* go on record as saying it's not my fault. I do not hate women. If anything, I love women too much - and there's the irony of being a woman loving middle-aged bachelor in a world steeped in misandry.
Want examples? Example 1: in the movie "Wedding Crashers", there's a scene where Vince Vaughn wakes up to find himself duct-taped to a bed, with his nymphomaniac girlfriend straddling him. It was an uncomfortable scene, yet played as *COMEDY*... rape... as comedy. HORRIBLE!! Yet, if the roles had been reversed, the movie going public would have screamed about, RAILED AGAINST, protested, disclaimed, repudiated and in general REJECTED these filmed actions. But with a woman as rapist, that is somehow seen as okay? And even 'funny'?!?
Example 2: the movie "Enchanted" - there, the male characters are belittled, and emasculated as the female characters literally grab the sword, and do battle with the evil dragon (this time a woman on woman fight rather than the more traditional fairytale male hero vs. the viscous male dragon who has the mixed up sexual identity, and desires human females... is it because all the female dragons have been slain?)
We live in a strange age where men and women seemingly can't even get along - much less meet for dating, mating, or even spending some time together for mutual enjoyment. But admittedly, I'm not looking in the right places... after all, you never find what you're looking for until you look in the last place you would expect [because once you've FOUND something, you stop looking.]
We would ALL do well to "put down The Hate", and "pick up The Love".
Misandry: (mĭ-sān'drē) n. Hatred of men. [1946, from miso- "hatred" + andros "of man, male human being" (see anthropo-). Related: Misandrist.]
I can understand that many women have been in abusive relationships with men - physically or mentally abusive. I've experienced the rejection many women at middle-age receive from men - is this the result of misplaced self loathing caused by unrealistic expectations of physical fitness, and body types based on 'popular culture' and the media?
Are men to blame for this? (I can hear women saying, "Damned right!") But blaming men as a race for the strange biases portrayed in the media is like saying "all dogs are bad because a Pitt bull in South Seattle killed an elderly woman in 2009". Not everyone can look like that young girl on the cover of 'Shape' magazine - and not all men WANT someone who looks like that young girl on the cover of 'Shape' - the 'girl', and the desire for that girl (in my mind) both shout of immaturity.
The Catholic Church (big "C" there, as in 'Roman Catholic') and more recent organizations like The Mars Hill "Church" hold to a theological view of "Complementarianism" - holding that "God has created men and women equal in their essential dignity and human personhood, but different and complementary in function with male headship in the home and in the Church." Perhaps it's this viewpoint that's the root cause of all the problems between the sexes... with women always in a secondary role as supporters to the patriarchal - male - leaders. I'm no expert in this area, but I strongly suspect this is the case. And I (for one) don't want to be in a relationship with someone who will always play second banana to me. Oh, I will probably fall back into the 'making the universe over with her at the center' trap I tend to fall into, but old habits die hard, I'm sorry to say...
The Other catholic (i.e. worldwide) Church in America (The Episcopal Church) holds the theological view of "Egalitarianism". Put briefly, egalitarianism holds that "all people are equal before God and in Christ. All have equal responsibility to use their gifts and obey their calling to the glory of God. God freely calls believers to roles and ministries without regard to class, gender, or race." Women are not second banana here - women take on as much of, and as strong a role as they want to take on. This is what I Believe.
Yet there is a growing men's movement that compares a marriage to riding in a car - pointing out there's only one steering wheel - or to a television set, 'there is only one remote control'. In my own experience, I've shared the driving responsibilities, and don't clutch the remote like a caveman, but change the channel, and leave 'the clicker' on the coffee table. It's true... I have been 'the primary bread winner', but I'm not against having an income that's less than a partners - that wouldn't somehow emasculate me to be in a relationship where the woman brought in a bigger salary than me. More disposable income! (woot!) Au contraire - that would be a blessing.
So, yes... I at least admit the inkling of a possibility that from my limited perspective as a mid-life bachelor that without a Magic 8-Ball, appearances point to more misandry than misogyny in the world. But I *will* go on record as saying it's not my fault. I do not hate women. If anything, I love women too much - and there's the irony of being a woman loving middle-aged bachelor in a world steeped in misandry.
Want examples? Example 1: in the movie "Wedding Crashers", there's a scene where Vince Vaughn wakes up to find himself duct-taped to a bed, with his nymphomaniac girlfriend straddling him. It was an uncomfortable scene, yet played as *COMEDY*... rape... as comedy. HORRIBLE!! Yet, if the roles had been reversed, the movie going public would have screamed about, RAILED AGAINST, protested, disclaimed, repudiated and in general REJECTED these filmed actions. But with a woman as rapist, that is somehow seen as okay? And even 'funny'?!?
Example 2: the movie "Enchanted" - there, the male characters are belittled, and emasculated as the female characters literally grab the sword, and do battle with the evil dragon (this time a woman on woman fight rather than the more traditional fairytale male hero vs. the viscous male dragon who has the mixed up sexual identity, and desires human females... is it because all the female dragons have been slain?)
We live in a strange age where men and women seemingly can't even get along - much less meet for dating, mating, or even spending some time together for mutual enjoyment. But admittedly, I'm not looking in the right places... after all, you never find what you're looking for until you look in the last place you would expect [because once you've FOUND something, you stop looking.]
We would ALL do well to "put down The Hate", and "pick up The Love".
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Fat Tuesday and.... Pancakes???
I still don't get it. It's an Episcopal tradition - I realize that, but I still don't get it. Where I grew up, we had Mardi Gras - floats with masked revelers throwing moon pies, beads, doubloons, and candy, followed by marching bands, and maskers on horseback. My hometown had Mardi Gras in 1704 - before New Orleans was even founded - and late winter / early spring was a great time for all.
And in the south, you were either Baptist, or Catholic - there were no other choices... so I was something else, naturally. But one thing we did NOT do was pancakes. Pancakes are good for about 10 minutes after cooking. After that, they're a greasy chewy mess, and the batter doesn't store well. So when the 'pancake supper' is finished, what's left to donate to the local shelter/soup-kitchen?
That's why in the home of the Mardi Gras - the Mother Of The Mystics - we always had Fat Tuesday Jambalaya. A hearty seafood gumbo with rice and andouille sausage (spicy) and beans - the leftovers from this would warm the heart of even the most cynical street denizen. So while we have 'pancakes' here in the NW, I always make a point of distributing beads, and shaking my head silently as the night progresses.
The next day? Ash Wednesday. Remember: YOU are "Butt Dust".
(Happy Belated Mardi Gras!)
And in the south, you were either Baptist, or Catholic - there were no other choices... so I was something else, naturally. But one thing we did NOT do was pancakes. Pancakes are good for about 10 minutes after cooking. After that, they're a greasy chewy mess, and the batter doesn't store well. So when the 'pancake supper' is finished, what's left to donate to the local shelter/soup-kitchen?
That's why in the home of the Mardi Gras - the Mother Of The Mystics - we always had Fat Tuesday Jambalaya. A hearty seafood gumbo with rice and andouille sausage (spicy) and beans - the leftovers from this would warm the heart of even the most cynical street denizen. So while we have 'pancakes' here in the NW, I always make a point of distributing beads, and shaking my head silently as the night progresses.
The next day? Ash Wednesday. Remember: YOU are "Butt Dust".
(Happy Belated Mardi Gras!)
Sunday, February 14, 2010
SoundWave
Several weeks ago, I applied for an audition spot for the Sounders FC's pep-band "SoundWave". My audition was set for 10am today - but I had a previous commitment on Hood Canal at a retreat for church leaders. Saturday, at the conference, I asked my friend Jack to help me transpose "Mona Lisa" (Nat King Cole) from treble to bass clef as the 'solo' portion of my tryout, but made a point of not actually playing the resulting sheet of music until the morning of the tryout. I left the conference early (last night) so I'd be in town fresh, and ready to play.
This morning, I drove into my office at 9am, went up to a vacant conference room, and played through the resulting sheet for the first time. Fortunately I found a couple of glaring mistakes in my transposing, and fixed them. By 9:45 I was ready. By 10:30, I had been interviewed, did some very poor music sight reading, played the solo, and was out the door.
Tonight I got the call... my first rehearsal as a *MEMBER* of SoundWave is Saturday, 3pm!!!! Now I'm dreaming we'll play "Legend Of The One Eyed Sailor", or "Mardi Gras Mambo", and some other rockin Latin stuff. (WOOT!!!)
This morning, I drove into my office at 9am, went up to a vacant conference room, and played through the resulting sheet for the first time. Fortunately I found a couple of glaring mistakes in my transposing, and fixed them. By 9:45 I was ready. By 10:30, I had been interviewed, did some very poor music sight reading, played the solo, and was out the door.
Tonight I got the call... my first rehearsal as a *MEMBER* of SoundWave is Saturday, 3pm!!!! Now I'm dreaming we'll play "Legend Of The One Eyed Sailor", or "Mardi Gras Mambo", and some other rockin Latin stuff. (WOOT!!!)
Friday, February 12, 2010
On Following Myself...
I noticed I'm the only one reading this... (see 'Followers' link to the RIGHT)
And people wonder why I've given up on dating.
And people wonder why I've given up on dating.
Facebook and the Cult of glowing rectangularism
My son's got me to sign up for Facebook, and I resisted as long as I could. Now it's a constant source of new email messages "Fred did this", or "Sue did that", or "Howard discovered oil on his make believe farm, and wants you to feed his tomogochi chickens"... Eck! (pronounced like 'heck' without the 'h')
Oh, it's been nice to connect with people I haven't had any 'face time' with for several years... don't get me wrong. But it's not exactly the same as HAVING 'face time' with ANYONE. It's really just a sinister plot to keep more people staring at the glowing rectangles, or pocket sized glowing rectangular objects that can entertain, has a compass built into the stock, has this thing that tells time, and pinpoints your location on the planet to within 1.25inches... oh, and you can also make phone calls with it. ;?> The REAL Dick Tracy wrist radio... although you keep it in a pocket and it can cause repetitive thumb strain.
I've been under the weather - a winter cold - for the past few days, and between long naps watched a few movies on my list. The least impressive of these were "The Hurt Locker" (up for the Oscar this year), and "Black Orpheas". While I liked the calypso music in the latter, seeing yet another movie telling the epic story of Orpheus and Eurydice (all on the same 1001 movie list I should add) is a bit taxing.
I've been watching all the Powell and Pressburger films, and one scene in "Age of Consent" really made me ache for the warm tropical summers of my youth. Afternoon and evening thundershowers were the weather pattern in the late 1970's (but no longer) - the sky would darken around 3pm, POUR BUCKETS of warm rain for 20 minutes, then the sun would come out, and everything would be dry again within about an hour. Oh, the humidity was high... but it was a humid heat, after all.
So, why don't we do away with Facebook, and set a date to have lunch... in San Diego, or on the beach in Waikiki? THAT would be Face Time worth spending!
Oh, it's been nice to connect with people I haven't had any 'face time' with for several years... don't get me wrong. But it's not exactly the same as HAVING 'face time' with ANYONE. It's really just a sinister plot to keep more people staring at the glowing rectangles, or pocket sized glowing rectangular objects that can entertain, has a compass built into the stock, has this thing that tells time, and pinpoints your location on the planet to within 1.25inches... oh, and you can also make phone calls with it. ;?> The REAL Dick Tracy wrist radio... although you keep it in a pocket and it can cause repetitive thumb strain.
I've been under the weather - a winter cold - for the past few days, and between long naps watched a few movies on my list. The least impressive of these were "The Hurt Locker" (up for the Oscar this year), and "Black Orpheas". While I liked the calypso music in the latter, seeing yet another movie telling the epic story of Orpheus and Eurydice (all on the same 1001 movie list I should add) is a bit taxing.
I've been watching all the Powell and Pressburger films, and one scene in "Age of Consent" really made me ache for the warm tropical summers of my youth. Afternoon and evening thundershowers were the weather pattern in the late 1970's (but no longer) - the sky would darken around 3pm, POUR BUCKETS of warm rain for 20 minutes, then the sun would come out, and everything would be dry again within about an hour. Oh, the humidity was high... but it was a humid heat, after all.
So, why don't we do away with Facebook, and set a date to have lunch... in San Diego, or on the beach in Waikiki? THAT would be Face Time worth spending!
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Project Bike - Complete
After adjustments, we took her out for a ride through the neighborhood, and to the local Target store where I picked up a Phineas and Ferb t-shirt for the proud bike restorer.
My son on his bike - nicknamed "Shreader" - and I on my Schwinn Jaguar 7-speed cruiser. We were quite the pair. But I really need to find my helmet - to set a good example, and all. Have a great week! And remember: whatever it is, YOU *CAN* DO IT. Make YOUR film. Repaint your bike. Write the story you want to read. And keep those pages coming... just a few pages a day is all it takes.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
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