Nov 16: Goodbye To You

With the end of summer came the dawning of another realization: I spent my entire summer putting most of my energy toward 'meeting someone'. And as a 'goal oriented person', when that didn't happen, my summer seems like a complete waste.

My youngest son turned 10 years old, and I took him to his first 'concert-like' performance (Jeff Dunham at the Tacoma Dome) as a birthday present. PowerPoint turned 20 years old sometime recently, and I didn't even notice - but I saw a link to a presentation given by David Burne (Talking Heads) featuring photos of the 'Wizards Of Menlo Park' who created PowerPoint, and found pictures of my younger self staring back at me... was I really that chubby?! Why didn't somebody SAY SOMETHING!?!

But those two events got me thinking - retrospectively - about plans, goals for myself, etc, and I realized I had not yet written and completed a SINGLE FILM PROJECT. No 'Zombie Nerds from Outer Space', or 'Outsource This', or 'Wingman', or 'Yellow Brick Shaft', or even 'Walter's Christmas Carol'. And the only thing I have to show for a couple of years of working on other peoples film projects is... well, okay... 3 or 4 completed films with my name in the credits, 3 or 4 still in some state of post-production, and 2 short films from the 48Hour Film Project. That's probably more than I expected. But of the films I've written, and am passionate about... nothing. A completed 'act 1' script (of 3 acts). Some locations picked, and key cast and crew selected, but I'm NO WHERE NEAR beginning production on anything. It looks as if I'll have to SELL 'Zombie Nerds' to get it made - and if actors like Ricky Gervais and Rainn Wilson were cast as the leads, it would be a better film than I could make on my own.

But, but, but.... no script. Instead, I've frittered my time away trying to meet someone so I can get laid. Hell - it's going on two years... I've got to face facts. This isn't a DRY SPELL, this is it. There was a sexual revolution, and I got left behind at the station. Hermitsville. Monk City. Goodbye sex. Goodbye dating. Goodbye hope at being able to meet someone. Now *I'm* one of those people who've "Given Up" on dating in today's freaky singles culture. And it's not because everyone I meet seems to be 'broken' in some major way - i.e. 'insane', or 'overly needy', or 'too much a soccer mom', or 'they come with kids' - but because I realize *I* am the one who's BROKEN.

I'm the guy with three sons - they're my priority, and my sons are NOT going to meet my woman-friend [yes, she's still hypothetical] until I've been seeing her for at least a couple of months. I'm the guy who schleps the boys back and forth to soccer games - leaving at the crack of dawn for the first one, and not getting back home until mid-afternoon. I *DESPISE* all the driving involved, but I grit my teeth, and bear it for the boys - THEY LOVE soccer. And in hindsight, soccer season isn't nearly as long as baseball season - but soccer season weather is always SO RAINY!

I'm the guy who thought marriage was supposed to be 'forever', but who couldn't 'save' it - couldn't make the other person happy, or at least keep them from being constantly 'angry at the world'. Never again.

Taking a breath... (whooooo... sssssss) out with the old.... (ssssssshhhhhhh) in with the new... (aaaaahhhhhhhhh... haaaaaaa... haaaaa... haaaa... ha.. ha.. ha ha ha). This is why I don't *DO* New Years Resolutions. I'd rather adjust life goals on the fly, and make changes as needed. Maybe a good workout will cheer me up...

[P.S. - the workout 'weigh in' was a happy event! I've only gained 3 pounds since end of summer, and after not really working out that much... woo hoo! Now to keep up the workouts through the 'ho ho holidays'... again, not because I enjoy it, but because I *need* to.]