Old and stupid, or what?

So have I forgotten how burned I got by being married? What the hell is wrong with me? My current thinking is, "I did pretty well as a husband and father, and if it wasn't for the 'significant others' substance abuse problem I might still be married today." So why am I thinking that I might actually be open to MARRIAGE in this day and age when the marriage deck is so stacked against men?

No one is going to walk all over me financially, emotionally, and physically again. I will still never strike a woman, but I will no longer stick around and put up with being battered physically (and/or verbally/mentally).

My state almost invariably grants child custody to the mother regardless of the issues involved. They also almost invariably ask the father to pay alimony & child support to the mother even if the mother's income is greater than the man's. I've joked in the past (not too laughingly) that if I find myself liking someone, I should just break down, buy them a house, and give them half my worldly possessions.

So there are a lot of things going on for me now - turning 50 at the end of this year isn't primary, but it's something 'lurking' in the shadow of my mind; not having gone on a date for over a year is pretty daunting. Am I just too damned picky, or what? The only women I find remotely interesting seem to have no interest in me whatsoever. I haven't kissed a woman since... well, okay a week ago at a 'friend' dinner, and it was a friendly kiss, but a man wandering in the desert will take whatever he can get. Before that... it was at least 7 months. Yet being a 'good kisser' is one of those 'must haves' in a relationship. Being part of a rock n roll Brass Band... no, there are no groupies... or if there are, they're not the types you'd want to take home AT ALL (much less to 'mother').

Whoops... there I go again: Relationship. I'm thinking about RELATIONSHIPS. And find myself open to the "M" word mostly because I'm thinking to myself that my loud and frequent protesting about "M" being so negative to the psyche and well being of men has created a negative back-lash... or a non-lash if you will. A realization that... just perhaps... women are only interested in dating men if there is still that merest chance - that SPARK of the possibility of marriage, and a 'happily-ever-after' at the end of the road. Sophomoric, I know. Naive, and saccharine sweet... I know.

But there it is. And from casual 'trial ballooning' of this idea, I find that it's true. The kind of mature, intelligent, attractive, fun, curious, woman who is interested in sex (and not likely to say, "You're not still wanting to have sex, are you? At our age? Are you?") and who - to the contrary - would never be caught 'acting her age'... this elusive woman still wants the slightest chance of a hint of a whisper of a possibility of a 'white-wedding', and a happily ever after.

OMG! Okay. I give up. I take it back when I loudly proclaimed: NEVER AGAIN.

i'm open to the idea again