First Thursday was well attended - thanks in part to the mild weather. MANY art loving men, women and children made their way to the museums last night, and I was right there. The Wyeth paintings selected for this show were very stark, and in some ways sad. Helga was clearly ruling the roost as she gazed out of her portraits. In one painting, she virtually 'floated' on a cloud of black velvet, and in another, she stood stoically in the snow while Wyeth slowly painted. It was interesting that the one painting of his wife was of her sleeping, and that he didn't feel the painting was complete until he had painted in a hat covering her face. Compared with Helga's dominant stare... the contrast spoke volumes about his love life at the time those paintings were made.
I'm reading through "The Myth of Male Power", and finding it very interesting. Especially the discussion of Stage I and Stage II love: 'How successful men freed women (but forgot to free themselves)'. "Essentially, women's liberation and the male midlife crisis were the same search - for personal fulfillment, common values, mutual respect, and love. But while women's liberation was thought of as promoting identity, the male midlife crisis was thought of as an identity crisis." Wow! Well said.
He goes on to list a table of Goals for both - 'Stage I - survival focused' and 'Stage II - self-fulfillment focused'. The Stage II goals are as follows:
MARRIAGE: Fulfillment, Soul mates "whole" persons married to create synergy, Commonality of roles, Both sexes raise children; both sexes raise money, Children a choice, Childbirth ideally risk-free; war ideally eliminated, Til Unhappiness Do We Stay Together (as opposed to 'Til Death Do Us Part' for Stage I), Either party can end contract, Sexes equally responsible for self and their partner, Both sexes balance needs of family with needs of self, Love emanates from choice, Love more conditional (no verbal or physical abuse; expectations of mutual respect, common values...).
CHOICE OF PARTNERS: Parental influence is secondary, Neither sex expected to provide more than half the income.
PREMARITAL CONDITIONS: Neither sex deprived more than the other (as opposed to Stage I: 'Men deprived of female sex and beauty until they supply security').
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I originally posted this in the blog, but I'll post it as a comment, since I'm sure (as was kindly pointed out to me) that my current reading is probably influencing my perceptions regarding the equality of women and men...
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Last night, I saw a group of mostly older women, wearing black, standing with a banner in the Westlake Center plaza. They were handing out leaflets asking *women* to join them, and stand awhile in protest against domestic violence. However, they were not interested in having *men* stand with them - I would have gladly stood together with them to protest against domestic violence. The spokesperson said, "some of the women wouldn't feel comfortable with that". I said, "there are many men who love, and respect women, and would leap at the chance to stand with you as equals - after all, men are victims of domestic violence as well. Verbal abuse, mental anguish.." She said, "well, you could stand behind us, or to the side if you'd like". I was profoundly saddened by this - that these women feel they've been so abused that they can't accept the solidarity of men who support them in exactly the way one would expect they would *want* to be supported. At that point, I saw this little group not as a poignant protest of women in solidarity with each other, but a vitriolic, extremely angry, passive aggressive statement against all men.
Well I for one haven't done anything to earn the jaded, vitriolic bitterness of that protest - and was left shaking my head, and walking away. It was almost a surreal experience to me. "Where is the love?" I thought... and quietly put the whole experience in a metaphorical 'soap-bubble', and 'blew it to the wind' so I won't become tainted by that negative energy. Instead, I'll strive to do good work, and show the love in the little things in my life.
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